Keeping it Small and Simple


Getting rid of people

Filed under: Humor — Lorenzo E. Danielsson @ 20:37

Does it ever happen that, while you are busy working on some code, somebody comes around to disturb. Maybe a friend with nothing better to do with their time than to just tell you uninteresting things that people you don’t care about have done. Or maybe your boss, dropping in only to ask stupid questions like bosses always do.

Worry no more! Here comes the perfect tip to keep them as far away as possible. You will need:

  1. Festival
  2. The source code of a project that takes a long time to compile. OpenOffice is a good choice.
  3. Speakers. The volume should be turned up fairly high.
  4. A speech synthesis voice of your choice. Something sounding as close as possible to Richard Stallman would be ideal.

Next time those pesky friends, annoying relatives or obnoxious boss comes around and start uttering incoherent nonsense, do the following (assuming source is in ~/src/

% cd ~/src/
% make | festival --tts

Anybody who stays in the room for more than five minutes is clearly as crazy as you are and maybe you should actually listen to what the person has to say.

Note: occasionally you may get people who ask you if you can turn the volume down. Just tell them that you are using optimization level 3, and that if you turn the volume down the signal might not be clear enough and you will get compilation errors. Chances are they really are *that* dumb..

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